Are you a writer quiz – Kimmery Martin

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By Kimmery Martin

A while back, I was asked to describe the sort of personality it takes to become a writer, and it got me thinking. I decided to devise an interactive quiz online, like the ones you can take to determine to which Hogwarts house you belong. To this end, I spent a bunch of time devising the free interactive quiz, only to discover at the end of the process that I’d have to pay to actually put it online so other people could use it. I regret to say that this caused a temporary but significant deterioration in my own personality.♥

Because I am too cheap to pay for you to take a fun quiz, I chucked the clever one I’d made and started over with a crappier non-interactive quiz. Enjoy!

Question #1: You have written the world’s best novel. It’s humorous, it’s poignant, it’s compelling and brilliant, displaying a level of literary talent previously unknown to humankind. You know this is true because three of your friends said so. Excitedly, you send a letter to a literary agent, who reads your description of the masterpiece and responds with the following email:

“Not for me, thanks.”

Do you:

a) reply with an impassioned ten-page rebuttal
b) realize you are a talentless fraud and weep bitterly as you delete your entire manuscript
c) go online and trash the agent as an uncultured vulgarian who wouldn’t recognize literary genius if it bit him in the ass
d) all of the above

Question #2: You survived the epic failure of your first literary effort and have moved on to another manuscript. This one starts out pretty well but is soon derailed by a gargantuan plot problem.

Do you:

a) blame your muse/spouse/children/day job for their endless attempts to sabotage your creative process
b) gnash your teeth, rend your clothes, and weep bitterly at the death of your dream
c) console yourself by going online and posting a scathing review of Jonathan Franzen’s latest book?
d) all of the above

Question #3: You face a looming deadline but you’ve come down with a crushing case of writer’s block. Try as you might, you cannot conjure up anything coherent for the almost-due portion of your latest manuscript.

Do you:

a) tell your agent there will be an unavoidable delay because you have contracted Ebola
b) go dark: unplug your computer, turn off your phone, lock yourself in your bedroom, and instruct Alexa to play the Irish Funeral Dirge station on repeat
c) Obsessively stalk #5amwritersclub on Twitter in hopes that someone is suffering a more catastrophic blockage than yours
d) self-plagiarize a few chapters from a hideous unpublished manuscript you composed in college and hope for the best

Question #4: Let’s talk fashion. Which of these best describes your look:

a) all-black clothing, nose ring, tattoo of Anaïs Nin on your bicep
b) sweater set, reading glasses, trousers
c) boyfriend’s sweatpants from 1997 + T-Shirt reading I’M PLOTTING AGAINST YOU
d) What is fashion?

Question #5: When describing your writing process, do you say things like “My characters drive the car. They dictate their own actions; I cannot control them any more than I could reverse the flow of the mighty river or crumble the mountain into fine ash. They simply channel me, like a literary medium, to bring them to life”?

a) Yes.

Question #6: Humiliating incident at your day job: you accidentally cc’ed your boss on an email mocking his mustache. He retaliated by assigning you to a weekly meeting taking place Friday evenings at 7:00 pm. Do you write him into your latest novel as a repellent, foul-breathed man-beast with a teeny-tiny … shoe size?

a) of course

Results:

Based on the fact that you read this entire thing, I have determined your personality type is: Writer. Congratulations! You are now free to return to the voices in your head.


Kimmery Martin is an emergency medicine doctor, born and raised in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky. A lifelong literary nerd, she reviews books, interviews authors, and works extensively with the library foundation in Charlotte, North Carolina, where she resides with her husband and three young children. The Queen of Hearts is her first novel.

kimmerymartin.com

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